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Prayer and Sincerity

A Few Thoughts on Prayer and Sincerity:

“Elokai neshama…”

“My G-d, the soul you placed within me is pure.” – from the morning prayers

Too often, I am unable to say the beginning of this prayer “as is.” Was the original soul that G-d placed within me pure when I was born? Yes, as far as I know, I can receive this as a truth.

Is my soul renewed every morning, having spent some time in the upper realms to get a recharge, before being placed back within me before I wake up? No doubt, that my soul is renewed each and every morning, as implied elsewhere, “new every morning” (Lamentations 3:23).

Yet, I know myself too well; my conscience is not necessarily renewed to its pristine quality every morning. And, if yesterday’s taint upon the soul is still present in my mind, my soul does not “feel” pure when I awake to the “rise and shine” of the day.

For some time, I have been disconcerted by the apparent incongruity of how I feel, as compared to the literal text; so, I explored various ways to understand this concept of the soul’s purity being restored. One finding is that, only a certain part of the soul is referred to in the prayer; that part is “pure.”

I also seem to recall learning of tzaddikim, who were unable to say certain prayers in sincerity. As far as I can recall, they modified those particular prayers a little bit, for themselves, in the moment, in order to be heartfelt and true to their words. Yet, this is not to be understood as a pretext to actually changing the prayers of chazal (the sages).

Yet, there does appear to be a pretext to solving my own troublesome dilemma, by altering a prayer somewhat, at least, in the moment, to be faithful and true to one’s own words. As such, I usually say, “My G-d, may the soul you placed within me be pure.” I have turned a statement into a request.

Additionally, the prayers may be personalized, to some extent, while reciting them: that is the nature of personal kavannos, best explained as thoughts about the prayers while reciting them. (There are also specially designed kavannos to recall while reciting certain prayers).

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prayer: Intentional Focus

Prayer is meant to be self-reflexive. For, how can the prayers truly benefit the soul, unless the meaning of the prayers is known to the person who is praying? Yet, there is a belief that praying in Hebrew, regardless of knowledge of the Hebrew language, also benefits the soul. While it may be the case that the soul benefits, this could be at the expense of the individual’s actual understanding of the words. Rabbi Nachman of Breslov, the founder of Breslov Chasidism advocated the need to pray in one’s own language. I find this approach refreshing, inasmuch that he understood the importance of kavanah (intention) at the level of praying in a meaningful way.

Moreover, not only pray in one’s own language, at least for some of the prayers, but to be able to comprehend the meaning of the words one prays is important. Words have meaning in and of themselves; a dictionary is a handy guide to those meanings when unsure of what a word conveys, or how it is used in a sentence. However, the words of kitvei kodesh (holy scripture) have meaning above and beyond the words themselves, and must be understood within the greater context of the themes of the biblical narratives they portray, as well as their theological significance.

The siddur (prayer book) has been described as an overall composite of what is most significant in Judaism. The prayers are an active means for inculcating the values, traditions, and beliefs of Judaism into our lives. As such, the siddur should garner our greatest attention, and praying should not end up being a rote experience, performed without true intention or understanding. If our prayer experience is dry, then we need to somehow make amends.

One way to do so is to increase a sense of kavanah (attention; intentional reading) through specific techniques designed for this purpose. For example, if praying too fast, one way to slow down is to pause, every time the name YHVH is written, otherwise denoted by the words H’Shem or  L-RD. This serves to develop a pace whereby reflection becomes possible, by paying more attention to the words that are being prayed. This is davening with kavanah, when the words have a direct and immediate impact on the soul of the individual praying.

It is of paramount importance to seek understanding of the meaning and significance of the words that are being prayed. Each individual should decide for him or herself, what language to pray, and how to find a healthy balance between Hebrew and one’s own language. The original Hebrew prayers are established by chazal (the sages) and should not be changed; at least not to the extent that they are unrecognizable in an English translation, or seem to abandon the original intent. For, the ultimate goal is to connect with H’Shem at the level of one’s own understanding and comfortability.

 

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prayer: Meaningful Connection

Prayer must be relevant to our lives; specifically, we must understand the relevancy of the words in prayer, namely, the written prayers in a prayerbook. Otherwise, there is a disconnect, and the prayers that we are saying may not be prayed in a meaningful way. With heartfelt prayers that we pray in our own words, this may be very different; inasmuch, that we pray using our own words, surely, what we say to H’Shem (the L-RD; literally, “the Name”) has personal meaning for us. Individualized prayer, although challenging for many, including myself, to maintain, beyond a thirty second “conversation” with G-d, may prove to be very beneficial, when we truly cast our burdens upon H’Shem, as is written in Psalm 55:23 (22).

“Cast thy burden upon the L-RD, and He will sustain thee.”

– Psalm 55:23, JPS 1917 Tanach

So, how can we compel ourselves to find meaning in the words written in a siddur (prayerbook), for the sake of kavanah, that is a heartfelt intention, when reading from a prayerbook? The psalms, in particular, convey essential truths, and varied emotional elements, intrinsic to human nature. Yet, if we fall short of the intentional focus required to reflect on these words, with the hope to connect to the ideas being expressed, perhaps, one solution is to focus on improving one’s kavanah (mindfulness) per se,  so that attention may be improved, like a laser beam, honing in on each word. After all, kitvei kodesh (holy scripture) contains G-d inspired words, that convey His thoughts, that are higher than our thoughts as is found in Isaiah 55:8-9. So, in order to comprehend the essence of scripture, we must reflect while reading.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, saith the L-RD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts.”

– Isaiah 55:8-9, JPS 1917 Tanach

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The Silence of Prayer

Only from a place of inner quietude, will stillness have the potential to reign in the soul, even if only for a moment. Over time, these moments may contribute to a greater sense of wholeness and self discovery, through the intervention of an imposed silence, by resisting anything that may contribute to an unsettled mind.

I do not necessarily mean meditation. If I can not simply sit in silence, without the urge to check emails, social media or the news, what avail would a direct attempt at full-fledged meditation be? Or how can I enter into sincere prayer, unless any tendency “to keep busy” is first placed on pause?

Otherwise, busyness as a state of mind takes over the prayer session; and, even the prayers written in a prayer book fall prey to being said by rote, compelled as it were by the urgency to complete the task. I have noticed this too often in myself; and, would rather still my mind before making any attempt to pray, so as not to gloss over the prayers without kavannah (intention).

Ideally, meditation to settle the mind, as a way of entering into prayer; although, this will not always work for me if I am seriously distracted to begin with. Reading may help to relax the mind, even having a similar effect as meditation. However, prayer has the potential to be sublime, lifting my thoughts above the mundane. Ultimately, prayer may lead towards G-d through the silence of the heart.

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